The Squash Inter-Faculty Games (IFGs) are right around the corner and I am not prepared a bit. I decided not to partake in any co-curriculars when I signed up for the current semester but then I figured I needed exercise and signed up for the IFGs.
Our first fixture is against the Engineering faculty (I am representing Arts), and our teams are such that a friend who plays better squash than me didn't get selected for the Engineering IFG team. I suppose that spells trouble for me!
What's more is that the fixture falls on 09/09/09, which just happens to be my special day of the year. But before you cry me a river over this 'massive' tragedy, let me tell you that I have NO intentions of celebrating this time around. I am old. Really old. Not in terms of my mindset, of course. But if you plot a graph of achievements versus age, this is as bad as it gets. At least, I have decided that will be the case. 26 is a giant number I think. It rounds off to 30. (It's not like 25, because even though contemporary Mathematics tells us 25 rounds off to 30, it can be argued that 25 can be rounded off to 20 with as much logic.) So, yes, 26 is scary.
I have decided to remove my birthday from my Facebook profile. Each year I get 50-100 wishes and a lot of them are from people who would never have wished me if it wasn't for Facebook. More importantly, some people I care for don't wish me because of all the clutter, perhaps.
Call me a hypocrite for having double standards, because, yes, I do wish people I would never wish if I hadn't seen their birthday on Facebook. I'm a hypocrite. But here I am trying to cut out unnecessary people from my life. I have 1,350 friends on Facebook, and I admit, at least 20% of them are not really friends. Perhaps people I met once or just spoke to once at some chance meeting. For the rest, this could be a 'great' test of friendship. All my old friends know I've been howling about 2009 as the year when my birthday would fall on 999. Sad how I never realised I would be turning 26 then!
A recent episode taught me a lot. As usual, because of my unique position, I was involved in a project with a bunch of people much younger than I. Some issues arose and in my efforts of ending the conflict, I got singled out, with both parties cutting me out (partially, if not completely). Perhaps I am old but not wise. Perhaps it would be wiser to let go of my prophecy that "lack of communication and miscommunication are the root of all problems in every relationship". Since - and this was my greatest learning - some people JUST DON'T WANT TO resolve differences. At least that explains Palestine and Kashmir.
And I HATE IT when people pretend to be okay when they're not. It's misleading. It's miscommunication! You're not helping!
Note to self: Stop using exclamation points like that. You're gonna be 26 in a few days. Act your age. Also, this better be the only note you have ever written to yourself.
999 Trivia:
Our first fixture is against the Engineering faculty (I am representing Arts), and our teams are such that a friend who plays better squash than me didn't get selected for the Engineering IFG team. I suppose that spells trouble for me!
What's more is that the fixture falls on 09/09/09, which just happens to be my special day of the year. But before you cry me a river over this 'massive' tragedy, let me tell you that I have NO intentions of celebrating this time around. I am old. Really old. Not in terms of my mindset, of course. But if you plot a graph of achievements versus age, this is as bad as it gets. At least, I have decided that will be the case. 26 is a giant number I think. It rounds off to 30. (It's not like 25, because even though contemporary Mathematics tells us 25 rounds off to 30, it can be argued that 25 can be rounded off to 20 with as much logic.) So, yes, 26 is scary.
I have decided to remove my birthday from my Facebook profile. Each year I get 50-100 wishes and a lot of them are from people who would never have wished me if it wasn't for Facebook. More importantly, some people I care for don't wish me because of all the clutter, perhaps.
Call me a hypocrite for having double standards, because, yes, I do wish people I would never wish if I hadn't seen their birthday on Facebook. I'm a hypocrite. But here I am trying to cut out unnecessary people from my life. I have 1,350 friends on Facebook, and I admit, at least 20% of them are not really friends. Perhaps people I met once or just spoke to once at some chance meeting. For the rest, this could be a 'great' test of friendship. All my old friends know I've been howling about 2009 as the year when my birthday would fall on 999. Sad how I never realised I would be turning 26 then!
A recent episode taught me a lot. As usual, because of my unique position, I was involved in a project with a bunch of people much younger than I. Some issues arose and in my efforts of ending the conflict, I got singled out, with both parties cutting me out (partially, if not completely). Perhaps I am old but not wise. Perhaps it would be wiser to let go of my prophecy that "lack of communication and miscommunication are the root of all problems in every relationship". Since - and this was my greatest learning - some people JUST DON'T WANT TO resolve differences. At least that explains Palestine and Kashmir.
And I HATE IT when people pretend to be okay when they're not. It's misleading. It's miscommunication! You're not helping!
Note to self: Stop using exclamation points like that. You're gonna be 26 in a few days. Act your age. Also, this better be the only note you have ever written to yourself.
999 Trivia:
- September 9, 2009, could be a Beatles perfect storm | Digital Media | CNET News
- September 9 is the 252nd day of the year, 252 adds to 9, 09-09-09 = 27= 9, 09-09-09 is the last of the single digits dates for quite a while. 1001 years to be precise, (it is also the upside-down number of the beast, of course).
- How to Get Ready for 09/09/09
- How to Interpret 09/09/09
Labels: 999, Complications, Rants, Yawping
I'm stuck.
I'm stuck in this limbo land now where everything and nothing make sense. Where rationality and idealism merge and diverge at the same time. Where life holds meaning and becomes senseless. Where oblique is parallel and delusions create multiple paradoxes.
After reading Mellumoley's "emo" blog posts early in the morning today, a Wednesday (which my kid sisters would point out is pronounced "when's day") began. But it feels more like a Monday to me - with the gloomy and "emo" thoughts running through my head.
The mother and kid sisters who arrived two-days-short-of-a-month ago would have left the island in another two hours. They brought amazing memories with them and gave me new ones that I shall cherish for a long time. The best parts in these fun-filled yet hectic (because I was interning 9-6) days were those deep and meaningful conversations I got to have with each and everyone. And of course, the snorkeling at Tioman!
The first one was with the mother. From midnight till dawn we discussed relationships, life, marriage, religion and personal beliefs and motivations. Somehow I was able to convey to her who I was, what I was set to become, how I wanted to live my life and how I don't need to put up a pretentious display of what I am to anyone. I also took this chance to explain to her how I needed her to understand why that fateful one meant so much to me and why it had been a rough ride letting her go, in order for her to understand me. I told her about the things I learnt from the other one, and how pre-marital relationships are meaningless without the sanctity of marriage. I discussed a lot of things. And I told her how I will always place my family's happiness over mine, and that it would remain my priority - even if that meant never marrying - since there is no woman out there who is cut-out for me - in any aspect (except the fateful one).
Then she left for Los Angelos and I got to spend every evening with my kid sisters, who had obviously grown in these two years I hadn't seen them. They have lived a somewhat confused life and I share their confusion - being stuck in the middle - not knowing if stepping on one side will be an aggressive move towards the other. The heart-to-heart with them was indeed earnest and heartfelt. Most of all, I hope they will find a confidant in me as they go through teenhood - the most troubled phase in everyone's life.
Meanwhile, the other one - the confused one - the confusing one - she talks of "friends with benefits" and relationships that don't end in marriage. I named them "short-term relationships" - assorting them somewhere close to one-night stands. Here, she speaks to a person who has trouble accepting the idea of pre-marital relationships because he thinks they're pointless in the first place and self-sabotaging by their very nature. (When you accept something as a 'trial', you can either treat it as the real thing, or you can treat it as something that is just temporary - in the latter case you hardly ever take it seriously. If you treat it as the real thing, there has to be at least a possibility where the temporary thing could become the real thing; otherwise it is completely pointless. And ridiculous.)
There was no possibility with the fateful one without consideration for elopement. That is why it ended so abruptly. The mother had made her refusal for acceptance sparkling clear, and the only possibility existed in fleeing as a possibility. The possibility for a possibility was the only factor that could eradicate the pointlessness. Upon her return from Los Angelos, however, the mother had a renewed mind. She was ready to accept. For my happiness, she said.
That changes everything.
But the fateful one still holds a grudge against the existence of the other one. She still avoids talking about 'us'. And the fateful one has painfully decided to move on it seems, asking "maybe it's best to just wait and see".
My argument: We're meant to lose the people we love. How else are we supposed to know how important they are?
And she has also developed a new trait: making demands. Now this becomes more like a business transaction.
I lost you; I lost myself. I tried to replace you; I replaced myself. I don't know who I am, where I am and what I'm doing any more. Save me; save yourself?
We need to have a long conversation. But I'm broke and you have no credit. O' atm! Thou art a heartless bitch.
I'm stuck in this limbo land now where everything and nothing make sense. Where rationality and idealism merge and diverge at the same time. Where life holds meaning and becomes senseless. Where oblique is parallel and delusions create multiple paradoxes.
After reading Mellumoley's "emo" blog posts early in the morning today, a Wednesday (which my kid sisters would point out is pronounced "when's day") began. But it feels more like a Monday to me - with the gloomy and "emo" thoughts running through my head.
The mother and kid sisters who arrived two-days-short-of-a-month ago would have left the island in another two hours. They brought amazing memories with them and gave me new ones that I shall cherish for a long time. The best parts in these fun-filled yet hectic (because I was interning 9-6) days were those deep and meaningful conversations I got to have with each and everyone. And of course, the snorkeling at Tioman!
The first one was with the mother. From midnight till dawn we discussed relationships, life, marriage, religion and personal beliefs and motivations. Somehow I was able to convey to her who I was, what I was set to become, how I wanted to live my life and how I don't need to put up a pretentious display of what I am to anyone. I also took this chance to explain to her how I needed her to understand why that fateful one meant so much to me and why it had been a rough ride letting her go, in order for her to understand me. I told her about the things I learnt from the other one, and how pre-marital relationships are meaningless without the sanctity of marriage. I discussed a lot of things. And I told her how I will always place my family's happiness over mine, and that it would remain my priority - even if that meant never marrying - since there is no woman out there who is cut-out for me - in any aspect (except the fateful one).
Then she left for Los Angelos and I got to spend every evening with my kid sisters, who had obviously grown in these two years I hadn't seen them. They have lived a somewhat confused life and I share their confusion - being stuck in the middle - not knowing if stepping on one side will be an aggressive move towards the other. The heart-to-heart with them was indeed earnest and heartfelt. Most of all, I hope they will find a confidant in me as they go through teenhood - the most troubled phase in everyone's life.
Meanwhile, the other one - the confused one - the confusing one - she talks of "friends with benefits" and relationships that don't end in marriage. I named them "short-term relationships" - assorting them somewhere close to one-night stands. Here, she speaks to a person who has trouble accepting the idea of pre-marital relationships because he thinks they're pointless in the first place and self-sabotaging by their very nature. (When you accept something as a 'trial', you can either treat it as the real thing, or you can treat it as something that is just temporary - in the latter case you hardly ever take it seriously. If you treat it as the real thing, there has to be at least a possibility where the temporary thing could become the real thing; otherwise it is completely pointless. And ridiculous.)
There was no possibility with the fateful one without consideration for elopement. That is why it ended so abruptly. The mother had made her refusal for acceptance sparkling clear, and the only possibility existed in fleeing as a possibility. The possibility for a possibility was the only factor that could eradicate the pointlessness. Upon her return from Los Angelos, however, the mother had a renewed mind. She was ready to accept. For my happiness, she said.
That changes everything.
But the fateful one still holds a grudge against the existence of the other one. She still avoids talking about 'us'. And the fateful one has painfully decided to move on it seems, asking "maybe it's best to just wait and see".
My argument: We're meant to lose the people we love. How else are we supposed to know how important they are?
And she has also developed a new trait: making demands. Now this becomes more like a business transaction.
I lost you; I lost myself. I tried to replace you; I replaced myself. I don't know who I am, where I am and what I'm doing any more. Save me; save yourself?
We need to have a long conversation. But I'm broke and you have no credit. O' atm! Thou art a heartless bitch.
Labels: Complications, Rants
So if your girlfriend had a crush on someone when she was 13ish, and she's still friends with the guy, it's perfectly normal. Of course. Then if the guy takes like 10 of those annoying quizzes on Facebook and she comments on one of them, that is perfectly normal too. Fine. But what if the quiz is "What sexual position are you?", his result is "Doggy Style", and her comment is "Nice!"? What to make of such comments?
Well, what if you know for a fact that the doggy style is her favourite position? And what if the only traceable online communication they had with each other prior to this 'incident' was when she posted a link to how the Kenyan women were gonna sex starve their men, where he commented, "It's 7 days only, what?"
Of course, you might argue that those kind of interactions are perfectly normal for any boy-girl friendly-only relationship. But what if her family believes in the Hindu caste system and wants her to marry only within the caste? And what if this guy belonged to her caste and you didn't come anywhere near it?
What do you make of such a situation? Is there any cause for alarm? Or do you just ignore it, slap a smile on your face and be on your merry way?
On your merry own way out of the relationship, if you ask me! Slowly and steadily, you will be filtered out.
Yeah, you're right. Facebook makes your private life way too public.
Well, what if you know for a fact that the doggy style is her favourite position? And what if the only traceable online communication they had with each other prior to this 'incident' was when she posted a link to how the Kenyan women were gonna sex starve their men, where he commented, "It's 7 days only, what?"
Of course, you might argue that those kind of interactions are perfectly normal for any boy-girl friendly-only relationship. But what if her family believes in the Hindu caste system and wants her to marry only within the caste? And what if this guy belonged to her caste and you didn't come anywhere near it?
What do you make of such a situation? Is there any cause for alarm? Or do you just ignore it, slap a smile on your face and be on your merry way?
On your merry own way out of the relationship, if you ask me! Slowly and steadily, you will be filtered out.
Yeah, you're right. Facebook makes your private life way too public.
Labels: Complications, Facebook
Feelings and emotions are the most complicated in this world - more so than science and technology because those are based on some rules at least. Out of feelings and emotions, love and affection take the lead. It's just so hard to tell the other's true intentions sometimes. You just wish you could take a peek inside their head; their heart.
It becomes even more difficult when an introvert finds love in the arms of an extrovert. Obviously, it's more difficult for the extrovert, who is used to sharing each emotion, sentiment, and every moment with the other. The introvert, when questioned about sharing their every emotion, sentiment or moment feels threatened at the loss of privacy.
In one such case where the girl was the extrovert, she took extreme measures to find out what was going on inside his heart - using his password to find out what exactly the person was telling his friends, or whether he was working on some prospects for when he will be done with her (and thus, if he has any intentions of ending it soon). Needless to say, she was paranoid.
But paranoia or not, she often found a lot of information that didn't settle well with her. Why is he talking to that other girl? They hardly even met; they're not even friends - why is he even chatting with her? Oh, so when he said he was out "with the boys", there were, in fact, girls present as well? Why? Why would he HIDE that information from me? Is there something I should know? Or maybe it was nothing and he didn't want to trouble me by telling me about it?
Of course on the guy's part, his girlfriend snooping around to find information on him by using his password that he had entrusted her - perhaps because he needed her to print something for him from his account or something like that - was something that didn't settle well with him. If she can't trust him enough, maybe she is not really into the relationship? Is she just looking for excuses to end this? In which case, it makes sense to go around partying with random girls and what not. Debatable.
Cause. And effect.
Which one is which? In a relationship, it's often hard to tell. And I don't just mean romantic relationships. It could be the same with your parents; or siblings; or just friends.
The question is: what are the ethical boundaries in a relationship?
If she cheats on him, is it okay for him to publish her lewd photographs?
If he lied to her, is it okay for her to slap him in public?
If she raises her voice in front of his friends, is it okay for him to raise his voice in front of her boss?
If he checks out every girl's behind, is it okay for her to have discreet male friends?
Labels: Complications, Extrovert, Introvert, Love, Relationships
